Heinrich Diary

Dear Diary,
Thiz vas a busy veek. Ve had a lot uf nashty tings happen to uz. Hy tink dot nashty tings musht be causink lots uf pipple bad times right now. Hy tink dot it vill gets bettah soon. Hy hef goot news. Mai mashter called me. Dough Hy don’t leek vorkink fur heem like he vas vun uf de real mashters. Hy haz to gets heem a baby dot it’s momma tried to keel. Mommas should not keel de babies. Dere are not enuff babies henny more. Bot, if dot happens Hy guess Hy vill be takink de babies avay now. Hy tink dot Hy hef been likink vorkink lots vit Joseph rather dan de mashter.
Ve found zome bad pipple vho made a bunch uf keeds keel demselves. Hy tink dot maybe dey vas vempires. Ve tried to find diz lady’s house vho new dese bad pipple. Joseph und Jack vent inshide. Hy tink dot Joseph vas havink a bad day. Dey set off de lady’s alarm. Poliz ceme. Bryan had to do zome fasht talkink to keep hus out uf trouble. Hy vent to talk to de pipples next door. Den i found dot leedle fairy lady. Zhe gave me magic flowers. Hy ceme beck und dey vere fighhtink a zmoke monshter dot ceme from de ceilink. It made de pipple try to keel demselves. Den it turned into a vempire. Ve drove it off und Jack vent crazy tryink to keel it. He shtaked it und cot off it’s head. Den Hy tink he jumped on it. Lots. Den, ve had to find a place vere some bad tings happened. Dere vas a barn. Hy tink it should be called a barn uf evil, because dot iz vot it vas. It vas a Bad Place. Ve vent into de barn und found demon hunds. At firsht, it seemed like demon hunds vere veak to hay. Bot, dot schtopped vorkink und ve had to find shtronger shtuff. A goot punch vas shtronger. Tvo punches vorked de besht. Jack und Bryan, de FBI guy, dey vere fightink de main vempire. She vas floatink. ze vas really not in de likink of Bryan. He gots hurt bad in de head Hy tink. Hy hope dey make enough beer to fix hit. The monshters gots me pritty goot too. Bot, de vempire lady vas in a book, und ve splash vater on de book und made her go avay. Now de book vill go somevere safe und it vill not make more scary vempire ladies. De resht uf us go to de hospital again  It vas a gut day.

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